Utterly Banal

If you could get free batteries for life or free bread, which would you take? Have fun

Free bateries. Although I like bread, I make my own fairly often. I’m neither skilled enough nor smart enough to make my own batteries.

I really am technologically inept. I’m vaguely proud of myself for having figured out how to use tumblr. I can photoshop and operate any camera handed me. and that is all. Forever.

I can’t even handle that texting that guesses your words.

Humanity is offered a permanent cure for hunger and poverty but in order to accept has to either accept mandatory piano lessons for every human OR everyone has to shave their heads forever. What would you vote for?

No brainer. Mandatory piano lessons. I really think we need to include more of the arts in our education systems. Plus, you didn’t specify how long these lessons had to continue. If ever child has a required semester (or year) of piano and can branch off as they see fit from there, awesome. Learning piano requires you to learn how to read music at least at a rudimentary level and could easily be integrated into a larger class structure. It sounds loverly.

The shaved head thing would really just be creepy. The idea of an entire nation of people with the exact same look going on is really distopian (why does tumblr think I’m trying to say pianist here?) to me although it really is just a tiny thing.

Addendum: If I had originally been aware of the horror that is never ending piano lessons and recitals, I would have likely chosen the horrible looking distopian future (which would be, at least in appearance, full of skinheads).

If you could get tacos in any color, what color would you choose? What if that was your designated lifelong taco color and you could never change it?

Bright blue. i was originally thinking bright green but that’s really not that appetizing. I would love to be able to mix it up every time and snag a new color, but if I must be pigeonholed into one, blue is the winner.

This question is giving me strange spongebob flashbackes btw. I used to be a nanny and when that colored crabby patty episode came out I ended up dyeing foods in all sorts of crazy colors for the Spongebob obsessed kiddos for weeks.

Also, while searching for an image of the more vibrant crabby patties, I found this cake from aperture bakery and really just want to thank you for making this happen.

LOOK AT IT!

seltzerlizard replied to your photo: I require an explanation. Nancy Reagan, sitting… I believe (read: dimly recall) he was sort of involved in Mrs Reagan’s Just Say No To Drugs campaign. Neatorama says he was invited to be Santa at the White House at her request. That’s all I got. Of course, in my imagination: secret lovers!

You are a wonderful person full of the most useful information.

Also, secret lovers is sooo very much what I wanted that explanation to center around. Nancy and Mr. T….together forever.

Cupcakes or real cakes?

CAKE!!!!

This is the one case where bigger is indubitably better.

I’m not really a big fan of cupcakes, the frosting to cake ratio is way too high. Yuck.

Also, you can never find cupcakes in good flavors/with good frosting. Red Velvet is basically the most exciting cupcakes get and once again toooo much frosting.

And, as a cook, it’s way easier to transport a cake and keep it looking pretty than it is to move cupcakes about creation. At least one of them will flip over and jizz frosting on everything.

Plus, you can take a bite of cake and then give the piece to someone else. if you take a bite of a cupcake and then try to offer it to a friend, you’re basically trying to hand them a baked good you just licked.

Apparently I have a more intense anti-cupcake stance than I realized. They’re douches.

If you could go up against anyone from history in court, who would it be?

I’d love to have been able to tear Henry VIII apart in court as he annoys me to no end.

I also literally dream about having been on the counsel for Socrates’ hearing. What Plato claims he said is absolutely incredible secondhand; it would be so surreal to hear the actual glory of Socrates (or to learn that he wasn’t really that impressive and Plato is just amazing at writing in multiple voices). Although I would have been terribly sad to hear him offer death or nothing as his chosen punishments.

Who would be the best and worst people to be stuck in an elevator with?

I am the kind of person who starts up awkward conversations with strangers in elevators.

Anyone who actually talks is pleasant right away. I’ve even managed to befriend some very lovely people via elevator conversations.

Ideally, I would meet some celebrity that I’d never come into contact with in real life. Even if I couldn’t get up the courage to squeak at them, I’d still be able to say later that I’d been in an elevator with so and so.

Worst are people who are mid fight in elevators. There is absolutely no way to avoid that. You’re too close not to listen, the walls are too shiny for you to effectively turn away, and the real crazy ones try to pull you into their fight. hell on earth.

On a recent trip, I was (while slightly inebriated) in an elevator with a very disaproving older woman and her very angry teenage baby-goth daughter. About halfway through the trip up, the icy silence was broken with “Why can’t I get a tattoo! You have one! And yours is filthy mother!!!” <— at least in the top ten worst people to be stuck in an elevator with.

What’s better, dryer lint or cheap beer?

Cheap beer. Because unlike dryer lint, there is one situation where cheap beer is welcome.

When you’re going to one of those awkward parties in party houses where everyone is going to be majorly fucked up and guzzling all booze in sight.

I love nice beer, but only 30 racks are acceptable in the above situation.

Who would win in a fight, a giant robot with lasers for eyes or a scrappy band of mice who speak with Cockney accents and wear little clothes?

I want everyone to win this battle.

Hrmm. I initially wanted to say the robot because hullo, giant robot. with Lasers. LASERS!!!!

Doomsauce.

But upon further contemplation, I realized the robot was at a disadvantage: it clinically would see no threat from the mice allowing these underdogs a small advantage. If they are as cunning as their little outfits suggest, they could easily press that advantage to victory before our unwitting metal friend even glanced in their direction.